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Ugly [Jan. 18th, 2008|09:28 pm]
poysun
I thought I'd share this with anyone left that watches this journal. I found it on the WoW forums, surprisingly enough and thought it was very moving.

"Everyone in the apartment complex I lived in knew who Ugly was. Ugly was the resident tomcat. Ugly loved three things in this world: fighting, eating garbage, and shall we say, love.

The combination of these things combined with a life spent outside had their effect on Ugly. To start with, he had only one eye, and where the other should have been was a gaping hole. He was also missing his ear on the same side, his left foot has appeared to have been badly broken at one time, and had healed at an unnatural angle, making him look like he was always turning the corner. His tail has long since been lost, leaving only the smallest stub, which he would constantly jerk and twitch.

Ugly would have been a dark gray tabby striped-type, except for the sores covering his head, neck, even his shoulders with thick, yellowing scabs. Every time someone saw Ugly there was the same reaction. "That's one UGLY cat!!"

All the children were warned not to touch him, the adults threw rocks at him, hosed him down, squirted him when he tried to come in their homes, or shut his paws in the door when he would not leave.

Ugly always had the same reaction. If you turned the hose on him, he would stand there, getting soaked until you gave up and quit. If you threw things at him, he would curl his lanky body around feet in forgiveness. Whenever he spied children, he would come running meowing frantically and bump his head against their hands, begging for their love. If you ever picked him up he would immediately begin suckling on your shirt, earrings, whatever he could find.

One day Ugly shared his love with the neighbors huskies. They did not respond kindly, and Ugly was badly mauled. From my apartment I could hear his screams, and I tried to rush to his aid. By the time I got to where he was laying, it was apparent Ugly's sad life was almost at an end.

Ugly lay in a wet circle, his back legs and lower back twisted grossly out of shape, a gaping tear in the white strip of fur that ran down his front. As I picked him up and tried to carry him home I could hear him wheezing and gasping, and could feel him struggling. I must be hurting him terribly I thought.

Then I felt a familiar tugging, sucking sensation on my ear- Ugly, in so much pain, suffering and obviously dying was trying to suckle my ear. I pulled him closer to me, and he bumped the palm of my hand with his head, then he turned his one golden eye towards me, and I could hear the distinct sound of purring. Even in the greatest pain, that ugly battled-scarred cat was asking only for a little affection, perhaps some compassion.

At that moment I thought Ugly was the most beautiful, loving creature I had ever seen. Never once did he try to bite or scratch me, or even try to get away from me, or struggle in any way. Ugly just looked up at me completely trusting in me to relieve his pain.

Ugly died in my arms before I could get inside, but I sat and held him for a long time afterwards, thinking about how one scarred, deformed little stray could so alter my opinion about what it means to have true pureness of spirit, to love so totally and truly. Ugly taught me more about giving and compassion than a thousand books, lectures, or talk show specials ever could, and for that I will always be thankful.

He had been scarred on the outside, but I was scarred on the inside, and it was time for me to move on and learn to love truly and deeply. To give my total to those I cared for.

Many people want to be richer, more successful, well liked, beautiful, but for me, I will always try to be Ugly."
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London After Midnight - Shatter (All My Dead Friends) [Mar. 11th, 2007|11:41 pm]
poysun
You're telling me
that I'm the most important thing to you,
but can't you see?
you're killing me with all the things you do,
and I really want to believe it's impossible
I really want to believe it's all a dream,
but I just can't seem to wake up,
I just can't seem to turn on the light,
one step off the edge
and the world will seem all right

You did it again,
yes you in the mirror,
you put your faith in a cruel world,
All my dead friends come to haunt, harm and hinder, never letting go,
here to drag me down to Hell,
just say goodbye...

Just answer me,
what was the point of all that treachery,
and soon we'll see
the truth behind all of your blasphemy,

No never again
I'll never trust no one again,
I'd sooner slit my wrists and risk discovery of Hell,
than stay another moment here where certain Devils dwell...
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Nickelback - Animals [Jan. 9th, 2007|02:06 pm]
poysun
Nickelback - Animals

I, I'm driving black on black
Just got my license back
I got this feeling in my veins this train is coming off the
track
I'll ask polite if the devil needs a ride
Because the angel on my right ain't hanging out with me
tonight
I'm driving past your house while you were sneaking out
I got the car door opened up so you can jump in on the run
Your mom don't know that you were missing
She'd be pissed if she could see the parts of you that I've been
kissing
Screamin'

[CHORUS]
No, we're never gonna quit
Ain't nothing wrong with it
Just acting like we're animals
No, no matter where we go
'Cause everybody knows
We're just a couple of animals

So come on baby, get in
Get in, just get in
Check out the trouble we're in

You're beside me on the seat
Got your hand between my knees
And you control how fast we go by just how hard you wanna
squeeze
It's hard to steer when you're breathing in my ear
But I got both hands on the wheel while you got both hands on my
gears
By now, no doubt that we were heading south
I guess nobody ever taught her not to speak with a full mouth
'Cause this was it, like flicking on a switch
It felt so good I almost drove into the ditch
I'm screamin'

[CHORUS]

No, we're never gonna quit
Ain't nothing wrong with it
Just acting like we're animals
No, no matter where we go
'Cause everybody knows
We're just a couple of animals
So come on baby, get in
Get in, just get in
Look at the trouble we're in

We were parked out by the tracks
We're sitting in the back
And we just started getting busy
When she whispered "what was that?"
The wind, I think 'cause no one else knows where we are
And that was when she started screamin'
"That's my dad outside the car!"
Oh please, the keys, they're not in the ignition
Must have wound up on the floor while
we were switching our positions
I guess they knew that she was missing
As I tried to tell her dad it was her mouth that I was
kissing
Screamin'

[CHORUS]

No, we're never gonna quit
Ain't nothing wrong with it
Just acting like we're animals
No, no matter where we go
'Cause everybody knows
We're just a couple of animals
So come on baby, get in
We're just a couple of animals
Get in, just get in
Ain't nothing wrong with it
Check out the trouble we're in
We're just a couple of animals
Get in, just get in
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Disturbed - Decadence [Oct. 18th, 2006|08:25 pm]
poysun
Disturbed - Decadence

Say, yes they know that you fought yourself another time
Don't they know that you're full of pain already?
Yes they know that you've hurt yourself another time
Decadence isn't easy, is it?
Yes they know that you've hurt yourself another time
Don't they know that you're full of pain already?
Yes they know that you've hurt yourself another time
Decadence isn't easy, is it?

Then you slowly recall all your mind
Why, your soul's gone cold, and all hope has run dry
Dead inside
Never enough to forget that you're one of the lonely
Slowly recall all your mind

Say, yes they know that you've hurt yourself another time
Don't they know that you're full of pain already?
Yes they know that you've hurt yourself another time
Decadence isn't easy, is it?
Yes they know that you've hurt yourself another time
Don't they know that you're full of pain already?
Yes they know that you've hurt yourself another time
Decadence isn't easy...

Then you slowly recall all your mind
Why, your soul's gone cold, and all hope has run dry
Dead inside
Never enough to forget that you're one of the lonely
Slowly recall all your mind

If I scare you now
Don't run from me
I've been hiding my pain, you see
Said if I scare you now
Don't run from me
I've been hiding my pain, you see

Slowly recall all your mind
Why, your soul's gone cold, and all hope has run dry
Dead inside
Never enough to forget that you're one of the lonely
Slowly recall all your mind
Slowly recall all your mind

Say, yes they know that you've hurt yourself another time
Don't they know that you're full of pain already?
Yes they know that you've hurt yourself another time
Decadence isn't easy, is it?
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KITTY [Sep. 8th, 2006|12:08 am]
poysun

my pet!
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Update...so to speak [Aug. 30th, 2006|11:22 pm]
poysun
[Current Location |Somewhere]
[Current Mood |depresseddepressed]
[Current Music |Linkin Park - Somewhere I Belong]

So, let's see...

I quit Minacs because I couldn't stand the job. It was eating me up inside and I couldn't seem to find anything to do with the small amount of time given to me. I'm now working at the Days Inn which is a much more relaxed environment. The people there are close to my age, so I can relate to them a lot more. The job gives me some satisfaction because I don't always have a manager staring over my shoulder, I'm free to work at my own pace, I have a list of rooms to do and once those are done--assuming it isn't before noon--I can go home. Plus, I work mostly on my own or with one other person. I enjoy it. It's nice to be alone sometimes. I get paid $8.40/hr which is a nice modest sum of money. Sure, it's not Minacs..but the job is much more laid back for me.

I've been a little depressed lately. I'd like to get into school by January, but I don't have anywhere to stay so it will probably have to wait until May...which is a horribly long time to wait considering I'd like to change my life right now...

Still saving for my computer. I need a few more parts, which are the most expensive ones and then I can spend a day putting it together and installing crap on it.

Uh...so yeah...depressed and tired.

Oz's char made 60 on WoW and I'm sooo jealous...me and my level 43 hunter...
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Stuff [Jun. 18th, 2006|05:38 pm]
poysun
[Current Location |Ridge, BC]
[Current Mood |cheerfulcheerful]
[Current Music |--NFS Underground 2-]

So, lots has happened since my last entry. I got a job at Minacs, which is slowly sucking my soul away, I've been playing D&d every week and I'm finally on vacation.

Okay, so...Minacs. It's tech support for computers. Not a bad job, considering some people just call to have someone to yell at. It can be pretty stressful, but the pay is half-decent and the people I work with are pretty awesome.

D&d has been pretty enjoyable. It's nice for us to get back into it. Oz is finally playing a PC and I'm enjoying the plot, so it's good for both of us. The people are really great and the DM is fairly understandable.

We're on vacation now, so we rented a Monte Carlo and fucked off to BC for a few weeks. We just got in on Saturday and so far it's been really relaxing. The family seemed to miss me and I just feel so great being here. It's a nice escape from everything. The drive out here was beautiful and we made it in about 15 hours. Oz and I stopped in Edmonton and explored the mall for a few hours.

Mom's getting married on Saturday, so people are getting ready for that. The bridal shower is on Wednesday and the wedding is on Saturday. Oh boy...

I took a look on slashdot today and was appalled by some of the things I saw there.
For instance, Jack Thompson's Violent Video Game Bill (http://www.gamasutra.com/php-bin/news_index.php?story=9745) and Oklahoma's 'Games As Porn' Bill (http://www.gamasutra.com/php-bin/news_index.php?story=9681).

Also, the United States Government's wonderful nuclear bomb (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060613/ap_on_sc/nuclear_bomb_competition).

I worry about the people in this world sometimes...

So, there's an update, people. Go nuts.
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(no subject) [Mar. 16th, 2006|10:01 pm]
poysun
[Current Mood |bouncybouncy]
[Current Music |WoW background music]

So...I haven't updated in quite a long time, so I'll do a quick rundown of life in general.

I finished training at work and am now in the call center. Got a raise. I'm really enjoying it. I'm finally in a job where I can enjoy what I'm doing and get paid well for it. I feel like I finally have the resources to make my dreams start coming true.

Oz and my relationship has become better and he and I are very close now. We were on rocky ground when we were physically together again, but now things are great. I'm so happy being with him. He really is my angel.

I met a new friend at the call center. His name's Rob and he's a really great guy. I'm glad I'm finally meeting friends out here. It's a bit strange starting over. I miss home a lot. I hope to be back out there some day. Mom's wedding is coming up in June, so I should be out in BC for that.

Uhm....what else?

Oh...

Oh yeah...

So, I swore awhile ago that I would never succumb to this evil they call World of Warcraft. Once Oz and I got the computer up and running, however, I had acquired a 14 days trial...So...

I got addicted...really badly. It's evil, don't get me wrong, but it's the good kind of evil...

Shortish update, but it'll have to do. Enjoy it for what it's worth.
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"That's a stupid, stupid question. Don't ask stupid questions." -CAD [Feb. 5th, 2006|05:45 pm]
poysun
[Current Mood |indifferentindifferent]
[Current Music |Dynasty Warriors 5 background music]

I wish I could understand myself sometimes. I mean, sometimes I have these strong emotions that shouldn't be there and I end up thinking about stupid things.

I feel as if I lost a potential friendship with someone who could be a really great friend, because of a situation that happened awhile ago. This situation makes us awkward around each other and it doesn't seem like that will change. I really do want to talk to this person in private because I do think it would help. I'm almost positive I should just leave the situation alone though. It's still going to be on my mind, however. I just want this person to know that even though this situation put someone in the middle of us, I would really like to try and be friends, or at least ease the awkwardness somehow. It probably won't happen, and the middle person most likely will prevent me from going forward on the course I would like to take to deal with this.

For those who have no idea what I'm talking about, ignore that above part.

In any case, I start on my second week at Minacs tomorrow and I'm really enjoying the training. It's a great experience and I can hardly wait to get on the floor. The pay is great and I'm glad I finally found a job I may enjoy. It's frustrating going through minimal pay jobs that you don't enjoy.

I guess my next goal is to work on getting my license. I never had the chance to get it back in BC; and even when I had my Learners, it was pointless. Mom didn't want me to drive her car because she was worried about my safety in her vehicles. There were other reasons, of course, but this is the main one. So, I guess I place my goal on getting my license out here. It'll be...difficult...and will cost me quite a bit of cash. But, working at Minacs will keep Oz and me going, so it won't be so bad.

Oz and I bought a 27'' flatscreen TV that is now sitting comfortably upstairs in our room. It's nice to have. We can finally sit comfortably while playing the XBox or PS2. It has awesome picture and the sound is great. We even have cable hooked up to it. We watched Sin City on it last night and it was an awesome experience. Dynasty Warriors 5 is an awesome, awesome game.

This week will pretty much involve work for me. Oz is going to hang out with Jess on Friday and he doesn't know if he'll be back that night, so I'll be on my own Friday night. I'm urging Oz to take me to the movies, though I'll be paying for it. I'd really like to see something on the big screen. I haven't seen King Kong yet.

I guess I need to put more effort into meeting new people. It's hard differentiating between "Oz's friends" and "our friends", though I'd say there's less "our friends". Back in BC, everyone hung out together and had a good time. Out here it's a bit different. I wish I knew exactly where I was going in this place, but a lot of things look the same. I miss the mountains.

Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy living here thus far. Not this house, in particular, but the province itself. It's pretty here and the snow is nice to see. I kind of like the freedom. I am, in essence, alone here. It's nice to know I can handle myself half-decently. Of course, without Oz, I'd be totally lost. I'm so glad to be back with him.

He asked a couple questions the other day that worried me a little, but I know he wouldn't lie to me. He does care for me, though I need to adjust a bit to his needs, as opposed to my own. It'd a bit different between us than it was before. The feeling is stronger, but there are lifestyle differences. I need to remember that he's not mine, and I shouldn't be selfish and possessive of him. After all, this is his home. Everyone knows him. No one knows me. He has good friends that have known him far longer than I have known him.

Wow...long update. Well, that's all for now. Goodnight everyone. ^_^
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Long Awaited Updates [Jan. 28th, 2006|11:10 pm]
poysun
[Current Mood |happyhappy]
[Current Music |Covenant - The Last of Dragons]

So, much has happened since I last updated.

After losing my old job at a retail store because of my own stupidity, I managed to acquire one at Minacs. Minacs does tech support for Apple. The pay is great and the opportunity is greater. The best part is that Oz got hired there as well. Together we will be living much better than ever before. I start on Monday and Oz starts on the 6th of February. I'm excited.

Oz reinstalled WinXP Pro on my computer after he gave me a 20GB HDD. I now have 30GB of space my comp. I used to have 10GB. It's a nice upgrade. It's running beautifully and Oz even bought me a new mouse for it. I need a new keyboard. Oz picked one up because his crapped out. I'm jealous. :P

My Aunt Janice sent me a furry fleece blanket. She was worried Saskatoon cold would be too much for me. Aha. My family is great.

We sent 16 minis out to Sean to be painted. I hope it's not too much for him. I'm sure he can handle it.

Oh! I've been "DMing" for Oz. I kinda suck at DMing, but I am trying. I've so far put him through two adventure modules that I got off the Wizards website. I'm kinda annoyed that Justin is stealing Oz every Sunday. I think I'm just being selfish though. I really would like to watch the session so I can see how other people DM, but Justin doesn't want me there right now.

The game of the moment is Runebound. It's an awesome boardgame. Inquire for details.

Not much of an update, but it works for now.
Enjoy. :)
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